


A Little Bit of You Remains

by jbsullivan17



Series: Bellarke Christmas 2020 [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Childhood Memories, F/M, False Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:42:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbsullivan17/pseuds/jbsullivan17
Summary: Clarke reminisces on her past while losing time I the present...
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Series: Bellarke Christmas 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022200
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	A Little Bit of You Remains

**Author's Note:**

> When I tell you that I did not mean for this to go where it went… I’m preemptively sorry.

Clarke remembered the day she met Bellamy like it was yesterday. It was a snow day so her housekeeper, Aurora, brought her kids with her to Clarke’s house while she worked. Octavia was her age and didn’t have any homework, just brought along some toys and watercolors that her mother didn’t know about, but Bellamy had a backpack full of textbooks and that intrigued Clarke more than water coloring would. She found her medium at eight and refused to use anything else since.

Bellamy spread out his books on the kitchen island where his mother told him to and was vigilant about getting his work done. He had another book with him with a fun tassel bookmark that Clarke assumed was a cool novel that he wanted to read, but he was disciplined enough not to read it until his homework was done.

“What book is that?” she asked after grabbing a snack from the fridge.

“The Grapes of Wrath.”

“Is it good?”

“‘Is it good?’ You’ve never heard of The Grapes of Wrath? How old are you?”

“Eleven.”  
“Right. It’s good.”

“What’s it about?”  
“Do you know about the Dust Bowl?”

“The what?”

“You live in Texas and you don’t know about the Dust Bowl… it’s a series of dust storms that plagued the mid west through the thirties. It mostly hit Kansas and Colorado but Oklahoma and Texas were hurt by it too. There was a drought that made it worse and so most people headed further West to California. Continuation of the Gold Rush but for regular jobs, only to find that the Great Depression hit everyone everywhere so there were no jobs.”

“Why would you want to read a book about that?”

“I’d like to think I’m learning from it. Whether it’s that I don’t have it as bad as I think, or that someone has it worse than me, or something along the lines of us making the world better for people to not have to do that but that’s not the case, our country sucks when it comes to helping the little people.”

“Little people?”

“Minorities. How do you not know about any of this? Latinos, African Americans, Asians… everyone who isn’t white, hell, even some white people who think they can play the system to their advantage.”

“Can they?”

“Some. Not all. It’s part of why our jails are overcrowded.”

“How do you know about all this?”

“I read a lot. I listen to NPR, my radio is broken and I can’t change it but I like it.”

“NPR?”

“National Public Radio, they have a lot of political discourse and—“

“Bell, stop boring her with politics!” Octavia cried, walking in and looked at Clarke. “I thought you were getting snacks.”

“Yeah, I just asked about his book and got side tracked.”

After getting a snack, Clarke convinced Octavia to go outside and play in the fresh snow. It was perfect for a snowball fight and after some time, Bellamy came out and joined them too.

After fully exhausting themselves, they headed back inside where Aurora offered to make them hot cocoa, she placed three mugs on the coffee table in the living room, two with marshmallows and one without and Bellamy happily took the one without.

“You don’t like marshmallows in your cocoa? Do you hate love?”

“I hate their chalky coating. Is that the equivalent to ‘hating love’?”

“Yes!”

“Mommy?” She heard snapping her out of her reverie.

Clarke remembered it all like it was yesterday; the day they met, the day they fell in love… the day she lost him.

“Yeah, baby?”

“No, mallows,” the four year old said and Clarke looked at her daughter who was a spitting image of her father if only he had blue eyes.

“Right, I remember.” Just like your father.

She had dreams of it all, made some false memories in her dreams of him and their friends looked at her like she was crazy when she brought them up because they never happened.

Clarke Griffin kept Bellamy Blake alive well past his death and sometimes the memories nearly killed her.

Bellamy was ingrained into her soul, like a hot iron unrelentingly piercing her sternum.

She couldn’t let him go.

She couldn’t let go of the fact that he didn’t know he had a daughter. Couldn’t let go of the fact that she found out she was pregnant the morning they were burying him.

It was another false memory, her telling him. She knew that but it was a good false memory, a worthwhile memory.

It was the same day as the accident, she imagined, she bought the test and somehow remembered as she was pulling on her stocking for the funeral that her period was two months late. That was reality but she’d envisioned telling him so many different ways. Closer to the truth, he didn’t die in the accident and once he woke up from surgery she told him she was pregnant and it would have been hell, being pregnant and dealing with all of his rehabilitation but it would have been worth it to have him there with her for their daughter

The less realistic one, the dream she clung to was the one where he figured it out before her. Her weird cravings, her mood swings, the nausea… Bellamy would bring the at home test to her and make her take it with a huge smile on his face, knowing that he was right. It was the dream where he made love to her, reminded her that everything he said to her when they were children was wrong and she was the best thing that ever happened to him just like she always told him. It was the dream where he attended to her too much, so much that she wanted to yell at him to leave her alone. The dream where he held her hand and whispered sweet nothings in her ear as she struggled to get their little devil child out of her. The dream where she forgot she called their child a devil because she was blissfully happy and a mother to their beautiful Cali and a wife to the most amazing father. The dream where they lived a whole life together happy with their little princess.  
The dream that sent her spiraling...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so I’m just going to say it, I’m stuck on Grind Me Into Dust. STUCK I tell you. So if you have any ideas for one shots you can send me a DM on Twitter I’m @jbsullivan17 or you can email me at jbsullivan113@gmail.com or I think I have IG... @grind.me.Into.dust


End file.
